so i tried today. i really did. really tried to be a good wife today. cleaned up the house in teh midst of almost unbearable back pain, and i cooked dinner tonite (which two of the four guys here greatly enjoyed) and i just tried to be good. but he got agitated earlier and he kinda jumped down my throat because he was trying to figure out how to open and clean his x box and he kept saying stuff. well naturally, not being able to hear, i go and ask him what he said. he kept jumping my ass cuz i wouldnt shut up. and ive been pissed all fucking day. its been rough since last night when i tried to take a shower and got bombarded with pain as soon as i stepped under the water. i tried to wake my husband up, but couldnt, so i had to force myself to get dressed, and then almost dragged myself to the couch in the livingroom (the bathroom is right across the hall). and then i tried for fifteen minutes to wake his ass up so i can have him go get a heating pad. i could not mvoe. at all. everytime i did i hurt more than what i had when i didn't move. and then i could barely fall asleep because of it. i am still feeling the residual effects of it today, still cant bend or walk like i want to, i can hardly move, and it is just an overall ache all day. i am drained of almost all energy and patience, and he doesn't understand how paiinful it really is to live with constant back pain. he had a little bit for a week or two but ive had this for ten years already. it gets worse over time and its bad already. he wont touch me to give back massages or anything, so there really is very little i can do. i just want to exist in nothingness for a few fleeting moments. no pain, no emotion, no nothing. just to be. numb if you will. that would be great. if only for a little while. |
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