fuck it. im done. i want to scream and run. i cant stand this anymore. all he fucking does is sleep all day and stay up all fucking night. hell, we might as well not even be married. we barely spend time together, we never sleep together, and he only wants me around when he wants sex. we might as well just be friends with benefits. well ya know what, fuck you!! i deserve so much more than someone who just wants me when i am convenient. i deserve someone who is as devoted to me as i am to him. if i treat my man like a fucking king i think i deserve to be his queen in return, not just some concubine. he spends his nights playing with his friends on xbox live rather than in bed next to me. im about ready to do one of two things. 1~ call it quits and throw in the towel because there is no "us" anymore; 2~ have a serious sit down with him even though i know it will result in nothing more than an argument. "oh well you dont know that for sure it will end up in a fight" yyou may say. yes actually i do. we have been through this before on more than one occasion and every single time it ended up in a fight. EVERY. TIME. this time will be no different. it hurts me, yes, to think that we may not be compatible this way, that it might not work for us, but i dont want to spend the rest of my life being miserable if i am the only one in this relationship devoted to the other. i deserve to be loved too...i give all i can and i still get put on the back burner. i am no longer his top priority, like he is mine. maybe i was right all along. maybe all guys really are assholes. its really sad when the one who promised to never hurt me as long as we are together is the one hurting me the most every single day. every time he would rather play the game instead of be with me, every time he gets upset because i want to go out and do something with him, every time i sleep alone, another cut deepens in my heart. eventually there will be nothing left of me but scar tissue. not the kind, caring person he first knew, not the happy young woman every one else sees, not the old me that loved everything and everyone, not the Bubbles who would give the shirt off her back to make sure someone else wouldnt go cold. none of those things will exist much longer if this keeps up. i am angry and depressed all the time now, and not being with him makes it worse. its like he is rejecting me like a human body rejects a kidney or a lung. he is my blood. he is my life. he is my everything. im starting to wonder................................................ am i his? |
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