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The Rat Maze Wall
by Awakened
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The Rat Maze Wall
by Awakened

previous entry: Depression and Break to Get Back the State

next entry: Miles To Go Before I Sleep

This Depression Worse but Also Better than the Past One

03/02/2011

If I remember correctly and if I am honest with myself, the depression on some days (recently) is actually worse than the one back in 2002 in California.  Back then, I did not fantasize about I.V. drips of euphanasia and anesthesia drugs to take me away from this world.  Back then, I did not imagine bullets puncturing through my hearts.

As I've mentioned in the past, I am not suicidal.  I don't have the right to take my own life.  However, I could now understand how previous servants of God were not afraid of death.

These days, it's quite strange.  It fluctuates drastically.  I could be feeling emotionally really good (which is something that didn't occur back then in the depression prior to 2002.  However, on some days, it could get so low that I am fantasizing about my own death.  

previous entry: Depression and Break to Get Back the State

next entry: Miles To Go Before I Sleep

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