#5 - I'm Done

HR just told me that I only feel sad because I keep telling myself that I have nothing to be happy about. This is so untrue and it honestly pisses me off. Clearly she has never really struggled with depression. I need to call and see if I can talk to someone at little to no cost without health insurance. I wish I would've never lost my health insurance. I really need to get back on the medication. I don't think about killing myself but I do think about how nice it would be to just not hurt anymore. I can hear HR now telling me that I'm only sad because I am holding onto to mess that I call my relationship with Big and sure, he upsets me and sometimes I get sad but he is not the reason that I am depressed. I think my being depressed helped him to cheat on me more and not get caught. I know they say that tough love is necessary but at this point I'm clearly crying out for help and you aren't helping. You are making me feel even worse because you are acting as if what I'm feeling is pointless. And as my friend, my feelings should never be pointless.

I can't believe I forgot to call about this job. This is the stuff I'm talking about. The necessary things are the things that I forget or don't do. Like, I don't have my ID, its lost somewhere. I should've gotten up to go to the DMV but I didn't. The dog pissed on the floor ... I saw it ... it's still there. I can't believe it. For the last few days I've wanted to write something but just didn't have the energy or the motivation. I'm done.