I was 12 when I arrived here.

04/23/2025

I am now 35 and I have two children, a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Where has the time gone? Where is it going? Am I even the same person I was even when I was 12? If every cell in my body has regenerated at some point, am I even the same person?

I miss having the motivation to keep up with a small community of people. I miss "being involved" in something. Now, I just sort of wander in the largest internet crowds possible, where people interact only with what you say in the moment, rather than interacting with who you are as a person. Where your name doesn't matter. The internet has grown so much larger, and so much more connected, but it feels more alone than ever before. I miss the times when you would post something, and people knew who you were. They remembered your name, and remembered past interactions with you.

I can't imagine that's impossible, because well here I am on Bloop Diary after a quarter of a century, but I guess it would require something resembling motivation to stick around, and motivation is hard to come by these days. It's much easier to just mindlessly scroll and consume garbage content that I'm not going to remember looking at 5 minutes later.

I guess I should go walk the dogs. There's something peaceful about being outside in the dark of night before the sun comes up.

Besides this whole journal entry is becoming pretentious and derivative of the "pondering intellectual" trope that my brain defaults to, but I can't seem to escape it. Whenever I write mindlessly, I go back and it reads like a 15 year old trying to be intelligent. I guess I'm still that same kid from all those years ago.