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an empty frame.'s Diary
by an empty frame.

previous entry: Gerrrrrrrrrrr; grr

next entry: Bumps

don't know how to change

01/06/2011

Fuck. There's no way out. I can't escape my own ridiculous habits. I've said that so many times now. I'm sick of going over the same crap over and over again but that's just it -- it NEVER changes. It's not for lack of trying. It's just that I don't know the right way. Everything I try doesn't work. It's pretty disheartening.

...On another note completely. Not last night but the night before, Luke and I had the biggest fight. Shouting, swearing, it went on for the longest time. I guess we both had a lot of built up rage with each other, or issues that we were bottling up. Now it's like... We are just quiet with each other. I mean, we don't see each other much on weekdays anyway when he's working... But I don't know, I don't have much to talk about with him right now.

When he asks me how my day was... I automatically go on the defensive. When he asks 'what did you do today?' I hear 'did you get anything worthwhile done? Or were you lazy all day? Did you get the washing done/did you do the dishes/did you mow the lawn/did you make that phonecall?' and when he asks 'how are you?' I hear 'what have you eaten today?'

*shrug* I'm messed up, we all know it. As I said, I don't know how to change it.

previous entry: Gerrrrrrrrrrr; grr

next entry: Bumps

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i don't change either. i try, and it works for a while, then i go back to the same old shit. fuck will power.

it is fucking disheartening though.

[& skull.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I had the same problem with my last ex. He really is the greatest guy in the world, but every time he said anything to me at all, I would read too much into it, think he meant something totally different, and start a fight. I know full-well that it was my fault, but I could not stop myself from doing it. It ruined our relationship, and to this day (we're friends now), I still can't talk to him for more than 5 minutes without getting angry :/

[Poetic Justice|0 likes] [|reply]

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