An empty frame

12/12/2010

Today I was so cock hungry. By 3pm I'd given blowjobs to my boyfriend (twice), Luke, my boyfriend's boyfriend, Matt, and my ex-boyfriend, Giovanni. What else is the weekend for? Then I got a fucking call, and wished I hadn't already spent all day on my knees. When this client took off his kit, though, I became a little more excited. He was a 'bigger' guy, probably mid-forties, and for some reason I seem to have a thing for that. He was also dark skinned and I have a major "thing" for that, too. But when I saw his cock, whew! I just wanted to sit on that and ride him to hell and back.

...He called me a fucking whore, a piece of trash, a worthless slut. It hurt. I rode him harder but my heart was sinking. I don't usually care when clients talk like that. If Luke calls me those things, it turns me on like hell. For their money, clients can call me what they fucking like. But today it affected me. I didn't let it show, perhaps it didn't sink in until I walked out and was putting the cash away. I was ready to cry by the time I got home.

Luke was going out for the night. As soon as I walked in the door, he wanted to fuck me. So I let him. He slapped my ass and said, come on baby, put some effort in. So I did. We fucked as if he was one of my clients. I acted through the whole thing. He didn't care. He just came in my ass, took a shower, put some nice clothes on, asked me to do his hair for him and then left.

I feel like my soul is empty and I'm in this big fucken hollow body. I punched myself in the face and legs several times. I went through the fridge and pantry and tore everything to shreds and threw it in the bin. I spooned all the icecream into the sink and poured hot water over it. Beating myself up as I went. All the frozen left overs were binned. All the fizzy drinks poured down the sink. Our fridge is now empty. And I'm starving, which makes me feel calm and whole again.