My bruising is fading to yellowish marks that are probably only noticeable to me. The most disturbing, I think, is on my forearm, a circle made by his hand, stopping me from running. Bastard. Fucking crazy bastard!
To make things even better, I got gastroenteritis. I think I'm over it now, thank fuck, but it was pretty horrendous. I've never been sick like that. I'm just glad it was nothing more serious - the hospital really freaked me out, doing a whole load of tests, and the nurse asked if I was working the next day - I said yes, and she said "Oh, well you won't be going..." Which obviously was true, but it made me think she meant I was going to have to stay in the hospital! But no, I was sent home, lay about dying for a few days, lost 10lb, still haven't left the house - I think I'll need to go for a stroll tomorrow, try to get some energy back.
There were a few times I was so weak I just wanted to cry, but didn't even have the energy to do much more than pathetic whimpering. Not even just about being sick, a lot of things. I remember graduation, how sunny everything seemed, and then I look at what's gone down since then, and I can't stand it sometimes. I lose myself in clubbing, in running (I have a 5k in a week - hope to god I'll manage it after this) in music, in movies, in ANYTHING... in work, even. And then when I have a chance to look at it all from a distance, to slow down... it hurts. I've not made any progress. If anything, I've regressed. I can't even be bothered reading anything of any substance. I used to be so articulate, I used to have some intelligence. Now... god knows.
I just keep saying that it'll all work out, somehow. I hope I'm right.
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