DeVisualise Add Fave Search
Not Logged In
0
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Bringing on the hate
by .A.n.t.i.Tater

previous entry: Downfall Of Society

Random Tater Thoughts

01/20/2012

  1. Women are natures version of the Rubiks cube
  2. If Neo took the blue pill instead of the red one..the matrix woulda been the same only he would have an erection the entire time
  3. Person on this home improvement show said everybody needs "a good screwing surface." Welp, can't argue with that logic.
  4. I played a Blank CD at full blast last night....The Mime next door was going nuts!
  5. Vodka is my sleep number
  6. I just bought a bottle of Clorox Lemon fresh bleach...but it tastes like regular bleach to me
  7. Hey imbecile, just because you are listening to loud music on your iPod, doesn't mean that the rest of the supermarket can't hear you fart
  8. I hate to brag, but several ladies just asked me if I wanted a date. On multiple street corners.
  9. Frankly, I find that Blackberrys are insensitively named and I'm starting a petition to have them renamed African-Americanberrys.
  10. I tried to send yall something sexy but the mailman told me to get outta the mailbox
  11. Just went to Walgreens & they're a bunch of liars. Their walls were more of a beige color. I'm suing.
  12. If I ever saw an amputee being hung, I'd start yelling out letters.
  13. I'm gonna open a store that sells three things; Axe Body Spray, Self-tanning lotion & chloroform & call it The Jersey Store
  14. Alcohol-Because no good story starts with someone eating a salad
  15. I have an on again off again relationship with clothing.
  16. I just misunderstood the meaning of 'Strip Mall' and could one of you guys send bail money?
  17. Raising awareness: Piñatas create unhealthy expectations of levitating rainbow donkeys.
  18. Just saw the neighbors little kid trying to spray whip cream on his pet cat..i think he over heard something last night he wasn't supposed to
  19. The greatest trick the Devil ever played is where he touches my chest and says "What's that?" and I look down and he flicks my nose.
  20. I always sleep naked...its just more comfortable...these people can go screw..i dont give a shit if there are kids on this plane
  21. I hate double standards... If a girl sleeps with a load of different men, she's a slut. But when a guy does it he's a homosexual?
  22. Breaking News! An earthquake just wiped out the entire country of Etchasketchastan
  23. So as a society we will forever argue and debate over religion and political beliefs yet we freely accept that Mr. Rogers can speak trolley?
  24. I just figured out that the Cows from the Chick-fil-a teach young urban kids how to text
  25. My religious friends say they turn to jesus to find the answers...i feel like I have a leg up on them...I use Google
  26. Just Once I would like to see a cactus that doesn't flaunt its muscles by flexing when I'm around
  27. I want to make a movie where RoboCop gets laid off due to budget cuts and has to work at a Waffle House
  28. Dear Twilight fans, Please realise that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that. Sincerely, Logic
  29. Going to the airport to hold up a sign that says "Ladies"...hopefully I'll get lucky
  30. Taters Sad Tip of life #38: Masking tape never makes a very realistic mask.
  31. Peter Parker was lucky that radioactive spider bit his hand not his ass or he'd have shot out web every time he farted.
  32. I put a huge brown paper bag over this keg. So people won't know I'm drinking at work.
  33. The anti-depressant Cymbalta can cause facial swelling, weight gain and impotence. Its new motto? I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT.
  34. There needs to be a Meat Likers Pizza for those of us afraid of commitment.
  35. Next time I see someone wearing an eyepatch I'm going to ask them if it was all fun and games up to that point.
  36. Is it just me or was there a rise in female gamers once the vibrating controller was introduced
  37. I just farted for 6 seconds and now I'm a dubstep DJ.
  38. Shoulder blades sound way more awesome than they are
  39. McDonalds just started their Monopoly game again with an increased 1 in 4 chance of winning a prize/obesity/explosive diarrhea!
  40. Sharks prefer Stevie Wonder to Ray Charles in a blind taste test
  41. Alot of Girls treat me like god...They only call on me when they need me
  42. I thought being patronized would be cool until they explained it did not involve tequila
  43. Hey, Army Camouflage your helicopters blue, not green. You're fucking welcome.
  44. The Bible wouldn't sound so preachy if every commandment was followed by the word "dude."
  45. Cleavage, its like the sun...you can look but its dangerous to stare
  46. I was devastated to find out my ex was cheating on me, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
  47. They say talk is cheap but my last phone call cost me $2.99 per minute, billed directly to my credit card.
  48. I'm guessing Minnie uses mouse pads when it's that time of the month.
  49. It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse "Right of Way" with "Immortality."
  50. I think my first girlfriend broke up with me because anytime she called me crying I’d say, “What’s the matter? You sound really fat.”
  51. I'm not sure who told bald guys they were required to have goatees, but they all fell for it.
  52. I just read that the average person spends 2 weeks waiting for a traffic light to change. Forget that. I’d run it after 3 or 4 minutes tops.
  53. I'm not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example
  54. I'm always good at figuring out who dies first in a movie but sometimes directors fuck with me by casting too many black people...
  55. Hey Hip Hop artists would it kill you to throw in a few rhymes about raisin toast or farmers markets?
  56. There might be plenty of fish in the sea...but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod
  57. This just in...Disney to remake Jungle Book..changing name to Jungle Ereader
  58. Crayons are a lot like M & M's, all the colors taste the same.
  59. Ladies the reason why u can't find caring sensitive men to be your boyfriend, is because they already have boyfriends
  60. Someone just asked me if I was to die while I was asleep, what would I regret most....my answer was...going to bed
  61. Digger Nick wasn't invited back to the Dyslexic Miners Against Racism Conference
  62. Follow your dreams. Unless you're a narcoleptic who wants to be a limo driver. That's just dangerous.
  63. Of course my clothes are on the floor. I'm a guy, that's where I hang them.
  64. Of all the horrible ways to die...eating healthy sounds like the worst way to go
  65. There would be a lot less litter in the world if we just sharpened the walking sticks for the blind.
  66. Just got kicked outta the laser tag arena....apparently its not legal to knife someone to save ammo
  67. For a ski team these guys in the 7-11 sure have alot of guns
  68. I saw a fly....so I threw some glitter on it....its not dead but its pretty fly
  69. This month in womens health magazine 9 easy steps to sexy breasts. .I took notes but ive still got nothing
  70. My haunted house would be one where guys jump out w your tax forms improperly filled out & others handing you phones with your mom on hold.
  71. I buy bags of Halloween candy and boxes of razor blazes just to see the look on the cashier's face.
  72. We save a lot of money on Halloween costumes by having naturally ugly children.
  73. I tend to drop a lot of glassware but that means I'd be pretty fucking handy in one of those "In case of emergency break glass." situations.
  74. Anything related to Halloween doesn’t scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising.
  75. i'm going to sell a drink called "responsibly" so after every liquor ad when they say "drink responsibly" hey free advertising boom i win
  76. Just invented a new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole from 4 inches away....However don't carry them in your back pocket
  77. Airbags: its a cars attempt at cheering u up after an accident by giving u surprise balloons
  78. The wizard of oz is just a cautionary tale about the lengths a women would go to to get the right pair of shoes
  79. Men who shave their arms and legs prob shave their vagina too
  80. I'm selling shirts for armless people called Ampu-T's
  81. When you say, "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans," all I hear is, "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."
  82. Bobbing for apples is just waterboarding with fruit.
  83. For a guy who's obsessed with public safety, I think Batman drives a little too fast sometimes.
  84. They say real women have curves. Well, then, the lady in front of me at Starbucks is a real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real woman.
  85. Just gave my neice a bottle of glitter that I wrote “Edward Cullens remains“ on...apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did
  86. Scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
  87. Flying today and asking myself a question I used to save for first dates: Should I let them see me naked or just feel me up?
  88. SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die
  89. my favorite drinking game is the one where you drink every time you access to booze
  90. I wore crocs with my Halloween costume and now people can't tell if I'm dressed as a redneck or a virgin.
  91. Tequila is just the grown up version of choose your own adventure books.
  92. Just beat Guitar Hero on expert in case anyone is looking for a virgin to sacrifice.
  93. Every Winter, one bear chooses not to hibernate. Instead, he stocks up on Sharpies and turns all of the brown bears into black bears.
  94. Oh Kim Kardashian...if ur heart was as big as your ass..maybe your marriage would last
  95. Its sad that wile e coyote is remembered for his violence and not his amazing portraits of tunnels
  96. I'm going to make something that instantly gives you hepatitis c if u press an already lit elevator button
  97. I used to drink beer in my underwear, but now I'm older I use a glass
  98. The worst reaction I ever had telling a joke was in front of bunch of cricket
  99. How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I'll let you know if we can be friends....Im accepting apps now
  100. Nightclub bouncers find me so attractive that they ask me to stand next to them while they make everyone else go inside.
  101. I would love to start working out, but I'm beefing up for my "before" picture.
  102. If I could be a superhero, I'd be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime
  103. Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't do well in a hot car trunk all day.
  104. Just failed a safety test...the question was "what steps would you take in the event of a fire" apparently the correct answer wasn't big fucking ones
  105. How come squirrels get a pass to bury whatever they want in the park but the cops go crazy when I try to bury one tiny bloody knife?
  106. If I created a twitter account titled the yellow brick road...would u follow it
  107. If I was smarter I'd make my social network passwords impossible to type when drunk.
  108. I used to play sports..then I realized you can buy trophies..now I'm good at everything
  109. Do they really need to add 'Alive' to 'Sexiest Man' or am I grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?
  110. Just got back from a friends funeral who drowned last week. I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a lifejacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted".
  111. Dear Women,  Who are right now watching twilight at midnight...This is why your all alone for the rest of your midnights
  112. Just found out you can eat a big turkey dinner whenever you want without having to be thankful. This changes everything.
  113. Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh both have the same middle names...coincidence I think not
  114. In blind taste tests, most consumers couldn't tell if a person was blind by tasting them.
  115. I can move things with my mind. Like, my arms.
  116. Spent the last 36 minutes yelling at this ugly little girl to get off my lawn before realizing it was my naked reflection in the window
  117. Ever run outta milk for your cereal and have to use orange juice, then replace the cereal with vodka?
  118. Sometimes I watch Spike TV just to be reassured that I'm not even close to being the biggest asshole in the world.
  119. If liquor stores ask for ID to prove you're old enough to drink, Forever 21 should ask for ID to prove you're young enough for those shorts.
  120. If liquor stores ask for ID to prove you're old enough to drink, Forever 21 should ask for ID to prove you're young enough for those shorts.
  121. I bet there would be a lot more wars if there weren't boobs. I haven't seen a boob in 2 days and I'm ready to kill someone.
  122. If a girl tells you she's "not like other girls" she just proved she's exactly like all other girls.
  123. I tried bringing sexy back but the lady at Walmart assured me I didn't get it there.
  124. The only thing standing between me and greatness, is talent, and millions of people who want it more
  125. My Website Hacking 101 is going okay. I just learned how to bypass the Birth Date Security on beer websites.
  126. I buy my ex-girlfriend a hot chocolate so after she quits burning her mouth I know mine is safe to drink.
  127. If you're unsure of what you'll need to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, look inside a shopping cart this Thanksgiving and take notes.
  128. How can you tell if a store-bought turkey is male or female? I'd just like to know exactly how gay what I'm doing to it is.
  129. Trying to sell my grandmas orthopedic leg outside of Target has been harder than I thought it would be on black friday
  130. It's pretty racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
  131. I've been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says....
  132. I went to buy some camouflage Pants the other day but I couldn't find any
  133. The Waffle House is like a gas station bathroom...that serves waffles
  134. It might be just me but CSI seems a little like Scooby Doo for old people.
  135. If I ever have to feed kids, I just shove shit in a blender give them a straw & tell them that's what astronauts eat.
  136. Ladies, men like it when your hair has lots of body, not the other way around.
  137. The only drinking problem I have is not having enough money to keep buying it
  138. I thought "asbestos" was Spanish for "best ass."
  139. Once a month women go completely crazy...for about 30 days
  140. I’m just waiting for the right person to come along and mistake my crippling pessimism for an attractive sense of humor.
  141. I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the "Congratulations you have won an iPhone" voice ever scare the shit out of me again
  142. I'm proud to be part of a generation that was once mesmerized by Lite-Brites but now complains if we can't stream HD video on our phones.
  143. Seven billion other people in the world and not one of them are naked in front of me right now. That just isn’t right
  144. If NASCAR wants me to believe that its not a sport for idiots they should probably stop telling the drivers to start their engines
  145. Guys, read the fine print before selling your soul to the devil. There's no way to opt out of his email newsletters
  146. All this month when a waitress asks me how I'd like my eggs, I'll tell her to nog that shit.
  147. As hillbillies age, they're called hillwilliams.
  148. Please keep the Christ in Christmas, because HalloChristween would just be weird.
  149. Just bought a Ken doll....I don't understand what everyone is talking about...you can't read books on this thing
  150. I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin.
  151. Of course, Tony the Tiger isn't his real name. It's Lord Antoine le Tigris of Kellogg.
  152. I let Jesus be my co-pilot once. Terrible decision, really. I was all, "Drive, Jesus! Drive!" And he was like, "No hablo ingles, senor!"
  153. I'm upset b/c 2012 marks yet another year my birthday will not fall on Friday the 13th. I guess that's what I get for being born on April 8th
  154. Apparently fat people in scooters despise being called a cripple-potamous
  155. I threw a recyclable item in the trash in case any ladies were looking for a "badboy" type.
  156. When I was a kid we didn't add flavor to our medicine and it tasted like shit but we liked it because we liked being not dead.
  157. Deleting your Facebook it's like running away from home...your just doing it for attention and you'll be back in about an hour
  158. They say the hottest person in a party never gets hit on because people are intimidated. I'm just going to assume that's why I never get hit on.
  159. Let them know how much you care. This holiday season, say it with a mass text
  160. Thinking about becoming a cop just so I have an excuse for being out of shape, lazy and a racist.
  161. I'm glad Alfred Hitchcock never made a porno because it would be really weird when he made his cameo.
  162. Rudolph is the only reindeer who doesn't have a stripper name.
  163. I've got the "turning beer into pee" routine perfected. Now if I can figure out how to reverse the process then I'll be rich!
  164. Know how drunk girls go out of their way to insist how sober they are? The same rule applies to a guy who always talk about how "big" he is.
  165. Are kids born in the whorehouse called Brothel sprouts
  166. If you have no regrets you're either a liar or an asshole.
  167. When I die, I hope it's in a women's dressing room because if I become a ghost, that would be AWESOME!
  168. This beer tastes alittle like not showing up for work tomorrow
  169. Help free the reindeer from sleighvery
  170. I have the ability to hate people based solely on the sound of their cough.
  171. I need to take a new default picture but i'm nowhere near a bathroom mirror.
  172. Dragons have tattoos of Asian chicks on their backs.
  173. I don't understand how people get eaten by sharks..I mean don't they hear the music
  174. I’m going to the grocery store where I'll try to get the cashier to call 911 based only on the items I’m purchasing.

  175. Is reading in the Bathroom considered Multi-tasking?
  176. I asked Granny "Why do you wear a bra when you dont really have anything to fill it?"...She fired back "Well you wear pants dont you"
  177. Sad fact of life # 43...Booby traps seldom involve boobies.
  178. I think one reason they call them "Relaxed Fit" jeans is that "Ass The Size of Texas" jeans would not sell very well.
  179. Women dye their hair, put makeup on, get a liposuction, get a boob-job 
  180. and then they complain there is no real men out there...
  181. Did you know Lassie had a crush on Rin Tin Tin? Mr. Ed told me; said he heard it from Flipper. Sounds fishy to me, but he swears it's from the horse's mouth.
  182. wonders why parents spend so long teaching there kids to walk and talk 
  183. then when they can all they do is tell them to sit down and shut up
  184. hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings and said "u r next" They stopped that when I did the same to them after funerals
  185. Random Fact: Sharks only attack you when your wet!
  186. if ur going to mindfuck me...u should wear a condom because I got a dirty mind
  187. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  188. There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.
  189. I never eat sushi. I have trouble eating things that are merely unconscious.
  190. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store is free yet?
  191. Found out When i was little That I do infact Scream the same way if a shark brushes against my leg or if its a peice of seaweed. And that scream is high pitched and really girly
  192. At the mall I saw a kid on a leash. I think if I ever have a kid, it's 
  193. gonna be cordless.
  194. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion
  195. Took a girl on a date Horseback Riding...It was going awesome...Till I ran outta quarters
  196. Remember, Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
  197. Dear Walmart, Sure your low prices draw us in, but the real reason we go is to feel better about ourselves. Because no matter how bad we look or feel, there is always at least 5 that are worse...So thank you for the ego boost
  198. Why is it that the Character Mac and Cheese (Spongebob, Scooby Doo and Spiderman) tastes soooo much better then the other kind...Someone please tell me im not crazy
  199. Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
  200. My parents taught me not to piss on my hands in the first place.
  201. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
  202. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
  203. going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
  204. I think i was just tramatized...i need a pretty girl to untramatized me
  205. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  206. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
  207. I think girls should come with scoreboard above there head so that way us guys know where we stand and when we screw up or do good...and hell sometimes even just to see the score and see if we are doing good or not
  208. theres two thing a guys are usually thinking...I want sex...I want 
  209. food...so if you see a guy without an erection then give him a sandwich
  210. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  211. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  212. When I was a kid i used to pour myself Mini Shots by the bottle cap..so happy i graduated to the big glass now
  213. if your late for a special education class is it okay for the teacher to call you tardy?
  214. I Have the attention span of a goldfish with alzheimers
  215. I lost the bar trivia contest last night by one point. The last question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is, Fiji.
  216. People who investigate strange noises in Horror Movies deserve to die
  217. got a Rolex for my birthday from a couple lesbians I know. Guess they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch."
  218. being in a relationship just means that you went from being your own boss to working for someone else.
  219. Ok Boys Listen...Your Penis has never looked "Good" Women know this so dont try to pull the...oh i was so impressed with it today so I took a picture wanna see it" bullshit...Your just doing it in hopes a girl will send a pic back. Your penis doesnt change (besides the fact that it gets Hard) Grow the fuck up and man up....Just be like heres my penis now lets see your boobs....its alot easier and less cheesy
  220. Girls: If you get a message from your boyfriend saying that he wants to"kick your puppy", don't call the RSPCA... he's just not very good at predictive texting
  221. What do you get if you insert Human DNA into a Goat? Banned from the Petting zoo
  222. I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo.
  223. why do women wear underwear? the law says all man holes must be covered when not in use
  224. Advice of the day: Dont be a douche
  225. Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone.
  226. Just hit the gym, but I ran away, i hope they don't notice the car sticking out of the building!
  227. SMOKING SAVES LIVES ... It stops me strangling kids on a daily basis
  228. I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex and me. After all, I'm a Aries and she's a bitch
  229. can't figure out what's so GREAT about the Twilight movies ... it's all about this chick who can't figure out if she's into bestiality or necrophilia!!!
  230. Im really good at reading peoples moods...Infact they call me the Human Vibe Rater.
  231. I feel like a Jedi everytime those automatic doors open at the supermarket
  232. Are unriped oranges called greens?
  233. Whats the worst thing you can do a Blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet
  234. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me
  235. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
  236. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  237. One of my ex's is so ugly... a cannibal took one look at her and ordered salad.
  238. Im going to start dating a Homeless women....I figured it would be easier for me to talk her into staying over
  239. Without nipples, boobs would be pointless.
  240. DID YOU KNOW.... that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  241. A new Survey just came out From the Tater College for the Gifted and said that the leading cause of Divorce is Marriage
  242. Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.
  243. Thinks some people should be born with a Mute button
  244. wonders if anyone else has road rage when pushing a cart through the aisles at Wal-Mart?
  245. A chicken coop always has two doors If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
  246. Being dyslexic has drawbacks. I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
  247. I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw in a club last night. He put 7 gay guys in a trance but dropped his microphone on his foot and shouted "Fuck me". What happened next will haunt me forever...

previous entry: Downfall Of Society

0 likes, 0 comments

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

No comments.

Online Friends
Offline Friends