Dear Readers
Please
allow me to dust off my keyboard and rub some oil into my elbows to
break off any rust I may have. Its been awhile since I wrote an entry
so please sit back and enjoy.....Killing Tater.
Everyone knows that whatever you crave is illegal, immoral, fatting, or
otherwise bad for you. Cigarettes kill you, tanning gives you cancer,
drinking leads to violence, SUVs foul the air and raise the highway
death rate, and dont you even think about sex. What nobody has told you
until now, though, is that everything is bad for you: Food, vitamins,
Philadelphia, optimism, air conditing, rain, being a man, being a women,
breathing.
This is expecially true of the things
you thought were best for you. Jogging wrecks your knees. Stopping
smoking can leave you depressed, and so can holidays. Cleanliness makes
you sick. Good health gives you asthma. Gardening may lead to
cognitive disfuction. Alfalfa sprouts can poison you.
In
deciding how to react, you're damned if you do and damned if you
don't. Eating red meat can give you cancer; becoming a vegitarian can
make yuo lose sexual function. Having a cat gives your children asthma;
not having a cat gives your children (I know, I know, but ive got the
references to prove it.) Being alone raises your death rate; being with
a partner leads to quarrels that depress your immune system; keeping
pets exposes you to diseases and bites
Even when the
right amount of something is actually good for you, you're in constant
danger of straying off the narrow path. Too much cholesterol doubles
death rates, and so does too little. Too little vitamen E can lead to
strokes, and so can too much work. Working long hours gives you heart
attacks, and so does working short hours. To fine-tune these things
would require your constant, anxious attention.
So,
how do you deal with such a scary world? You could take
antidepressants, but they can give you photosensitivity reactions,
interfere with prescrition medicines, or raise your risk of contracting
non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Maybe all you can do is stay in bed with the
covers over your head-except that bed rest is bad for you, and the
covers are infested with dust mites...
I'm sorry I brought this up.....I guess you just gotta go out and grab life because after all you only live once...
Sincerly yours
Tater
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