Mzindependent4you08's Diary
by Mzindependent4you08

Up and downs

09/10/2017

Sometimes life throws us a bone and lets you live life in a stress free way for a while until shit is turned upside down and you lose your lifelong friend and you watch her slip away after being told that she was improving. I never thought I would ever lose my mother. I thought she was indestructible. My mother was fearless. A very wise, strong minded and intellengent woman. It's been three years going on four and it still breaks me and makes me cry when talking about it. After the death of my mother, it's safe to say my depression skyrocketed. The pain that you feel when losing your mother is overwhelming. It broke my heart so deep that I was having severe panic attacks and hyperventilating multiple times a day. Took three weeks off work because I couldn't work up the courage to get myself out of bed. Had to force myself to eat. At my mother's wake, her family I feel disrespected not only her children and my step father, but also my mother. They took the flowers from the wake after it was over. Was that not disrespecting my mother or am I tripping? I don't think it's wrong of me to be pissed at her family for such disrespect. I don't care about the stupid flowers. I care about the disrespect they showed. What selfish cunts. And on top of all that I was dealing with matt and his seizures. I was drowning into a deep and deeper depression. Barely sleeping and barely eating. Only to find out that his pain medication addiction turned into a bad heroin addiction that he hid from me. He lied to me, he stolen from me. He's been clean for a year. I can only pray he remains clean. You really have to want it for yourself or you relapse.. God I can talk after hours about my shitty fucked up life but rather not bore you guys. Thanks for listening. Post again soon😘

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