Manda, Love's Diary
by Manda, Love

Home Sweet Home.... xxxxGrunge


It has been a long, long, long time everyone. I never thought I would ever find myself drawn back here but maybe, just maybe there is a calling or something. Fast forward about seven years and man has my life changed. I never thought I would ever see sunlight in my life through all my struggles, pain, suffering. I am not sure where I could go with this..... so many thoughts currently and I am just all tongue tied. Still stubborn in ways, yes. But you can't possibly rip the indigo out of my soul, it's a part of who I am. I've seen beauty, I've seen death, I've seen evil and I've seen love. But through all of that I've only come to discover the best parts of me. Although it has been a FIGHT. The light is there. You just have to believe in it and find it. Take one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. Pain is always temporary, wounds may stay, and resurface but you have to pour your love into yourself. It is a process. Don't let ANYONE tell YOU who YOU are and what YOU'RE capable of, because they're all WRONG. For years I struggled to find what it was as I couldn't explain it nor communicate it so I got angry. I couldn't trust anyone or open up (it is still a struggle) I discovered I am very in tune with energies. Something very little known of back in the day. My head is all over the place right now.... it's been YEARS.... So much has happened. So much self discovery, recovery..... aye...... though I am feeling great. A place I never thought I would find. Even with the pile of shit I am doing my very best to try to get through alone since I feel like I have little to no support currently. You ever pour out 100% and get 15% back IF that? Welcome to my world. All I ask is for loyalty and to have an ear. I really don't ask for much. I feel as though to some I am only important when it is convienant for THEM. That isn't love. I had a bomb dropped on me earlier this month and I am trying to figure it out so all parties can be happy. I ask my bestfriend of ten years for advice, something and it irritates me as I feel she is half there. I know deep down this is something I have to do on my own but come on I'm always there bringing you up when you're down. And when it's me it's like ........ 



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welcome back. I am totally with you on that give 100% receive 15% It sucks and frustrating and the one person who I felt I had a total connection with, basicly, just disappeared from my life and I feel a voice that I'm trying to re-fill but it's difficult.
I try to do what I can to make myself happy but I'm most happiest when I make others happy around and and they appreciate it-tell me they appreciate it but that's a rarity.
[A RedSox FanStar] [reply]