This is f'n crazy. I'm so mad at myself. I haven't actually liked someone in 7 years. I forgot what it felt like. It's torture.
I am not some teenager who thinks they love everyone they meet !
I don't fall in love.
And now I feel like this, just staring at her...hugging her... it makes my heart thump loudly.
It feels like it should be wrong. Like, according to some, I "chose" to be attracted to the same sex.
But trust me, if this was a choice I would shut it off. I actually cried today, to the invisible force in the sky, "Why me? Why do I have to feel this way?" I don't WANT to feel like this. I just want it to go away, and my life can continue how it was. Loveless, but content.
But god... HER.... I need her.
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