[2:08 am] Wednesday I hired a cute girl. She was a nursing student who said that she needed the hours. I offered her $10.00 dollars an hour. She was pretty good but 5 hours into it she leaves. I sent her a text to call my mom to get her check and thanked her for helping. Cleaning isn't for everyone. My mom calls the cops because we have sensitive documents in there. She wasn't there but my mom has to make a big deal out of everything. I guess the cops called her and she sent my mom a text saying that I was 10 minutes late (I was because of traffic and I told her I'd be late) and that I kept saying weird that I kept saying weird things; and running off to go eat. I went to the bathroom! So I lost the contract and that was my last one. I'm not allowed to set foot in there or go near it. She said that when I showed up I didn't talk much. What was I supposed to say? Apparently I said enough if me talking about my cat, ghosts in the building and the ocasional dead body that you may see at work was weird. Oh, she also said that I kept her there against her will. WHAT THE FUCK?!
I just kept her busy because she said that she needed the hours and that she'd take whatever I can give.
Now I'm out of money and I lost my job. I can't pay my rent. I paid $300.00 dollars towards it, $60.00 on my ticket and I still owe $200.00 dollars on my car payment.
I don't know what to do.
My mom said that I'm a loser. I always have been. I just want to die. I'm tired of living! I hate it!! Every fucking day is a struggle! All I wanted was to get some help! You try to help people and this is what you get! This is why I don't help people! When I try, I get shit like this. I give a homeless man $20.00 dollars. It's the last of my money and then I see six more of them down the road and a last asking for baby formula. Well now I feel bad because I gave it to some guy who didn't need it. None of them did because they were all scamming people.
Give a ride to someone on the side of the road and you get killed or accused of rape.
That's the world we live in and if you think otherwise, you're just as deaf and blind as those monkeys.
I'm not so mad at her but at what she said. She said, "He's weird."
I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know what to say to them and I really don't talk at all in real life. I say please and thank you when I need to. If I'm looking for something, I'll ask. If I need to order some food, I'll order it and thank them: ended with a have a nice day. Or night. Or morning.
Sarah didn't think I was weird...
The one person who said that they loved me and I'm dumped like trash. NICE. Just, lovely.
I've been told that I give off a killer vibe. I've been told that I suck the life out of the room.
How?! I just want to be left alone. I try to make myself as invisible as possible. I try to avoid people as much as I can because these people don't accept me. No one does. The only people I got along with were other people who have the same car as me. Some. Just as many of them hate me and say I'm weird.
This is why no one loves me. Not even my own family. I keep trying to convince myself that they do, but they don't.
I event get treated like crap by the girls at the drive through window. Even when I go in and order.
I'm so ugly! Topped off with the vibe I give off that I don't even try to know I'm giving off! I can have the best day of my life and go in with a smile and still get treated the same!
I went and got some pupusas and the two Hispanic girls there were bitches to me! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM!! Girls know within the first 7 seconds if they like you or not. I just look at you and hope you don't see me. I wish I could go under the radar.
I'd be one of the few people who'd be happy if they woke up and everyone was gone.
I'd still go out and drive, dance like I always do and play some Xbox. This is assuming that everything stays the same. Grocery stores stay stocked and the power stays on.
Oh, and as if that wasn't bad enough my Xbox got fried. I plugged in the power cable from the 360 into the Xbox One and cooked it. I bought a new power brick for my Xbox One and the 360 and One have the same wall plug. The part that plugs into the wall and into the brick. So now I need $500 dollars for a new Xbox One. I still have my 360. I only did it because the fan in the power brick is so loud. I ended up picking up the wrong cable.
If I die soon, I'll be happy.