The struggle of pining for deletion
I have always struggled with the need to clear my life of diaries written under false pretense. To go back, almost travel back in time, and read something written that no longer, or perhaps never did, apply is hard for me to do. I have thrown away countless diaries upon conclusion of a relationship. I only want to see things that are overwhelmingly, forever true.
I read the previous entry, written (what was it?) two years ago and I cringe. I had the urge to hit the delete button, so that I might feel less embarrassed. I want to go back and talk to that dolt version of myself. I want to shake her. He doesn't love you. Not truly. Don't change yourself for a man. You are better than that, than him. But I can't.
But I will not remove it. I have come to realize that the woman who wrote that diary entry, it wasn't her fault. She believed something that a man said; she took his words at face value because she loved him and that's what you do when you are in love. She did the right thing; I did the right thing.
He was wrong to betray the trust that she gave to him. Shame on him, my love, not on you - not on us.
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I can relate.