he used to love me,
at least that is what he said
but then again they all loved me at one time
or another,
they loved the way I catered,
how I cared more than the last girl
how they never had to wonder how I was feeling
and what I was feeling
the games
they were used to, weren’t played –
I didn’t even know the rules
and then the time came
when it was me,
not you
those words that you want to shove down
their throats and watch them choke
how violence is never the answer
but at that moment
you just want to beat a wall,
throw your hands up
and scream obscenities like it didn’t matter
and I did
and it didn’t
so I look at the couples
walking by
and I wonder how deeply
they know
one another, do they know secrets
fears, do they travel along
truth
and ride the wave together
or do they sugar coat words to watch the light
shine momentarily, after all
it’s not real
they don’t open the portal and let someone
deeply inside who they are –
too much fear,
too much work
I’m not enough of a challenge
excess skin,
eyes too blue and freckles too something –
but it’s not me, it’s them
or so they say