i am what i am.
by brokenwhiskeyglass

unmotivated

03/20/2017

i lost my uncle today, he wasn't blood but he grew up with my mom and aunts. it was really hard waking up today. i woke up planning to call off my morning job and somehow come up with ways to quit and let them down easy. instead my mom called me and informed of my close friend (uncle to me) of his passing. so that was an excuse to get out of both jobs. i had applied for amazon to replace my flower delivery job. i literally brought out my lap top thats been basically in hiding so i could apply for a small at home job that doesn't require driving. both of my current jobs, flowers and pizza, are delivery jobs. so hopefully getting this amazon at home job will help tremendously.

side note, i have two roommates, and they're both guys. Corey has lived with me for the majority of my move in of the house. He's outlasted all of the other crazy roommates, but now, since one of my gay best friends Joey moved in, Corey has instantly gone off the crazy deepend. the tension is so high right now. its like Joey and i against Corey. he is just being so irrational, about rent, and he keeps calling me petty and childish. but if its my house, my rules, right? I'm renting a house, he is renting a room, i'm not going anywhere. so what makes him think he can just take advantage of the little things. its almost like he's trying to piss me off now, and trash the house, and leave shit everywhere. i don't know what to do about him. now its the silent treatment neither is even looking up when crossing paths. i feel like he hates me in a way, like i'm his main enemy.

my boyfriend of almost nine years, Scotty, is supposed to be moving in. but right now he's no where to be found, phone is off, just so frustrating. where is my support system? why do i feel so alone right now? it's like he's in his own world without me. i was supposed to drive my happy ass to the store to get a pregnancy test just to see, since the condom broke three weeks ago, and i was supposed to start. but i decided to just be a lazy bum on the couch since i hadnt experienced a day off in over a month. i need to quit flowers to just end the long driving miles that aren't even worth it.

was going to get test today, but i honestly don't want to know after hearing such sad news. my uncle was just here yesterday, buying weed from me, he looked so pale, and so slowed down. like a ghost. it feels like i shouldve said something, the last thing he said to me was "love you, Lin" and i said love you too get some rest. and now he's gone.

how long will this funk last? my heart hurts. i'm constantly watching my breathing, the tears keep falling. i want to get drunk but its not even appealing.

maybe i should just sleep this day away.

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