*First

09/12/2014

Hello

It's been many years since I had a Bloop, I've managed to find one person I used to follow so far.

Since I was last here, I've got married, got a house, worked up to being a senior insurance claims handler and been in the same job for seven years.

I have a Husband who works in a different country and who I spend every two weekends with then don't see him for the next. I love him, but it can't do this long distance thing. I'm so used to being alone that it's wrong to be so independent. Like my kitchen sink is blocked, so what should happen? Husband should tend to jobs like that. What happens really - he's not here, so I've bought some drain clearer and even contemplated undoing the u-bend and giving that a clear.

Earlier today, one of my friends came up from Essex and she was here for 6 hours. Her husband rang her twice in the time. I got nothing.

Now my husband have never been good with phones, but it would be nice to have the odd text or random call.

The reason we both work,where we do is for our house. We pay our mortgage, insurances, council tax, sky TV etc and have enough money left for luxuries; eating out, shopping, all sorts.

The thing is, I love my house and I am so proud of it along with my car, I pay my car loan with my promotion money that I got. I have a 4 year old Kia on my driveway. I have a gorgeous cat who is my world. She is with me all the time, real unconditional love.

I don't doubt the love my Husband has for me, but I want more fun, I want nights out having dinner/seeing friends, I want more sex (sorry but I need to say this), I want time with no iPads just us. I want nights away, flowers, chocolates, teddies, I want to have a companion who is there for me every night and every morning, to share life's ups and downs, to not be sitting at home on a Friday night in my pyjamas with a ready meal in the fridge and water in the kettle ready for a cuppa.

I don't want this life. I want a different life. I'm currently up for promotion which I know the outcome of on Monday. I don't expect to get it, I get the feeling that it'll be 'you're good but not right and we want someone with management experience so we'll keep on interviewing".

If I get it, I've actually debated saving secretly some of the extra 10k I'll earn in a secret account and then use it to get divorced and sell my house, go back to Essex, start over and be happy.

Happy is definitely not what I am at the mo, not that anyone knows this at all.