Make the people believe they are insane while quietly turning them into monsters. People go beserk and either kill one another or themselves. Perfect. At least for their plans for us. The things that I have been through in the past 2 years go without saying are the worst of my life, made good only by finally experiencing love at its finest in the form of the love of my life. She was there through everything with me and reminded me that even at the depths of my physical illness, which caused my already shaky self esteem to plummit as the last of my physical attractiveness went out the window, I was loved. Completely, without limits or strings that this world usually puts on the word love.
My heart and soul are as torn apart by this illness as are my body and bones. I am at a point where death seems to be in the ticking of the seconds hand of a clock, in every alarm going off, in every sunset, in the wind, in every cough, swallowing becoming more impossible by the day. Like a feeling that you get when you are on vacation, and you know that you only have one more day till you have to go home. That feeling is my life now. That pensiveness, that tense feeling in the pit of your stomach.
This disease takes your body and turns it inside out, and upside down, sometimes literally. I could write a book on this, but at this point I sometimes just need to get out how much this hurts and how I refuse to be a victim anymore.
JESUS CHRIST IS THE ONLY WAY OUT. <3 |
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