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bear with me
by Aubrey.

previous entry: should've

next entry: im a dumb-butt

3am: "Something's Missing"

04/02/2014

idk a thing i wrote (also on tumblr here).

* * *

You wake up slowly, from a dream that fades like the final scene of a movie you didn’t care for. It’s dark, and the numbers on the digital clock are too blurry for you to read.

Before you reach for your glasses, you already know something’s missing. Your chest aches with it, even though you are not awake enough to be aware of the exact feeling.

Then it hits you suddenly, like a punch in the gut –

You’re alone in bed. No warm, breathing body spooned up next to you. No snores. Nobody hogging the blankets or wriggling or making grumbly sleeping noises.

Just you and the big

empty

bed.

You put your glasses on and squint at the clock. 3:13am.

It’s been ten hours, fifty-eight minutes.

There is no answer to fill the aching hole in your chest. You can’t solve this problem and you can’t do a goddamn thing about it.

You roll over, face down into the pillow, and fall asleep with your glasses on. At least the tears wet the lenses instead of your pillow.

* * *

(i miss her already and it's dumb. she's gone visiting family and she can sort of email from her phone but it takes forever and she doesn't check it often, so i don't get to really talk to her til sunday or so. i called my therapist and got an early appointment tomorrow. i need to be sorted out because i feel so lost)

previous entry: should've

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ryn: yes, she has all her marbles and can make an informed decision. I don't know why they are not listening to her and listening to her sons.

[Greta GarbageStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I know how that feels. Me and my love were long-distance for 5 months, and altho she visited twice in those 5 months, when she left, a part of me left with her and I hated it. So glad we're living together now... Hope you and your girl can one day.

[foreverglow|0 likes] [|reply]

yeah, it's exactly like that. she's gone and i'm like lost? but i have the blanket we used in the hotel room, still smells like her and I can snuggle with it. I'm glad you're living with your girl ^^ that must feel a lot more comfortable.

[Aubrey.|0 likes] [|reply]


It's hard when you have to leave someone...in fact, that is really an understatement. And that ache in the chest is the worst! All I can really suggest is just keep busy doing things and trying to do things to make you happy while you guys aren't apart. You could always write her a snail mail letter, too, or something like that. What John and I do is make video recordings and I can listen to them at times that I can't be with him. Maybe you guys could do that?

*hugs*

RYC: Yes, well, I'm pretty sure Robby has a mental illness, but not sure if it is just super exacerbated depression. He's FINALLY gone to the dr and made an appointment to see a psychologist, so that's a positive.

[once.upon.a.time.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

the video thing is a great idea. we did that before we got together, every once in a while, and i made her audio recordings too. I have some of her voicemails left on my phone and i listen to those a lot.

I hope the psych can help robby out bc yeah >

[Aubrey.|0 likes] [|reply]

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