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Beyond Belief
by A RedSox Fan

previous entry: 666 game 7 2014 WS GIANTS WON and Owen's bris

next entry: 668. and if you aint been there you wouldnt understand

667 there's something wrong with the world today but everybody knows it's right 11 10 14

11/10/2014

667. something’s wrong with the world today but everybody knows it’s right 11 10 14

Let me tell you about my situation, complication! AGGRAVATION! IT’S GETTING TO ME!!
If Chicken little told me the sky was falling, even if it was would I still come cralling back again?
I bet I would my friend, again and again and again and again!

So is this how life goes? Is life nothing but a merry-go-round? Around and around and around?

I got an email from work with an attachment. My AM (assistant manager) asked me to check out the attachment and see if it is something the clients could use. I tried to open it and it was a PDF file. When it opened, it said “page blank” hmm strange. I look at the file name and it was a name. I look at the file size, it was 520. Hmm I tried again and still gave me a blank page. I google PDF blank page Jaws for windows (name of my screen reading program) and nothing relivent came up. Frustrated I open the document and look at the menu bar and try different things and nothing. At this point I’m like, fuck it. There’s more than one way for Jonathan to do things. I googled the name of the program, read it over from the company site and sent my AM a message saying I was able to open the attachment but since I’m wicked smart, I googled the name. I told her that it looks good and I’ll review what I found with the residents.

I went to look for a job today. I looked at about 30 or so counseling jobs, all required a drivers license or a professional license. Then I came across one that didn’t mention either so I went to the company website and they have you fill out this 20 question application along with a cover letter and resume attached. I completed it all, took me over 30 minutes. I hit the submit button and it said “error, review items highlighted in red” great. Obviously I cant do that. I look over every question carefully, making sure everything that had to be filled out, was filled out. Although I didn’t have anything more to fill in, I changed some wording and hit submit. Same error message came up. I have no idea what this Red highlight was and so couldn’t even fill out the application, never mind even getting to the next stage. Frustrated I go up to the kitchen and have something to drink.
I come back down and go to the company’s website. On the front page there’s a link that says “contact us” I click that on and there a few different ways to contact them for various reasons. I find an email address. I copy the email address, attach my resume and cover letter and in the body of the email I explain that I was unable to send my cover letter and resume with the application and asked if my email would be forwarded to the proper hiring manager.

That’s two technology issues today that sucked. I hope my email will be good enough.

Money makes the merry-go-round and around and around.

I was talking to my twin the other day. His wife Lindsay, had taken a new job and it was a few dollars less than what she had been making previously. He said to me that they are living just about pay check to pay check. I had thought, with him being a licensed architect and she took a job working at a coorparate office at a world wwide company, making what I thought was very good money. Having an idea what they make together and they have a nice house but defanately a very reseasonable mortage and they each have a car. They don’t go out much. Both of their parents buy the baby clothes and foods. They don’t pay for day care or anything.
It makes me worry about my own financial future.

I also think of my friend John. He bought a house himself. He makes very good money for a sneaker company but he still has to work part time at a liqure store to get buy.
I worry about my financial future.

I work 4 hours a week. I do collect SSI but it’s not much. I would like to move out of my parets house but someone said to me yesterday, even if you had a fulltime job in the health care field, you will probably need a roommate to afford a place. This makes me feel very sad and sorta trapped even if I do find a lady. I will never even make what my sister in law makes, never mind what Justin or John makes. I would probably make 1/3rd of what they make.
I am worried about my financial future.

I guess you can’t survive on one salary any more, especially if you live in the north east.
(Dom bought a house and it’s a very big house and she can afford it on her own along with her 3 kids…just saying)

I never want to rent because I’d be paying someone else’s bill with nothing to show for it. I’m hoping for a condow at the least but who knows if I will ever be able to afford even that.
I Worry about my financial future.

A friend of my mom’s sent me a FB message. (Heidi is my cousin who I go to games with)

*Wow. Not sure if I misread Heidi's response to your post but...
This past week, I had a deaf couple and was in awe of how amazingly hard it was to deal with NOT being able to HEAR how to take care of their FIRST baby. Even with knowing YOU since birth, it was so inspiring and eye opening that I have been looking into 'sign' classes.
My life is easy, and I KNOW that yours is
not so much...and I think that was the point of your post. xoxoxo

ME: I greatly appreciate your words. Heidi and my brother Robert...just to name a few people in my life, can be extremely insensitive, rude, and think I can just find a bus and go somewhere, get off and find my way around.

I'm not sure what comment you are referring to, maybe Heidi took it down but I would love to know what she had wrote. I would just shrug it off (probably)
It defanately isn't easy living my life. I mean, it's not difficult, just extremely frustrating. I got a call from a counseling company this week. They said they saw my resume on line and asked if I was still looking for a job. I said yes. They said ok, let me ask you a few general questions and then I'll get into the job related questions. I said ok. He: are you over 21? me: yaaaah. He: do you have a MA valid driver's license? me: no...and explained that I am blind but as you can tell by my resume, I have the experience and knowledge. HE: well, I'll have to talk to my manager. I'll get back to you.
...I'm still waiting and that was Monday. It doesn't matter that I have 2 master degrees and 10 years of experience because I don't have a drivers license which will never have. This is one of many stories I could share about my frustrations.

I am curious to know what Heidi wrote though
Thanks for your care and support XOXOX

…….
I have no idea what Heidi wrote but I don’t think I want to know. Like I said, she can say some pretty hurtful things.Just good to know how my own family see me.

Let’s fill up time woo

Hm, I already wrote about my frustrations about looking for a job and getting a call about jobs. My word situation is getting a lot better but I will never receive more than 4 hours a week.

I look on dating sites just about every day. It’s something to fill up the 19 hours a day most days.
John told me that he got two dates for this coming week and went out on a date last week with a different woman. He asked me how many dates I have? I said none. He laughed his evil laughed and said that… basicly, I have to stop being me. Noone is going to want me for me. (Others have said the same thing, nice way to help my self-esteem.)

My mom said to me last night You are bored, you don’t know what to do with yourself, do you? I said no. She said, how much longer till spring training? … my response, too long.

A friend mentioned I need new hobbies. I don’t think I need new hobbies just people to do the hobbies I enjoy, with me. Plus if I had a fulltime job and a special lady, it would take up that time.

Writing…
I have my poetry, 317 poems now in my document of poems. I also have that “great American novel” that although I’m done with the chapter? The volume? Whatever you want to call it, as I go back and review it, I keep finding things to change. Tying loose ends together. Making the format of how I write numbers, uniformed and adding a word here-there because I was typing and not focused on what I am writing. I will hopefully finish this volume at some point and hopefully not before I get bored of it.

Writing does take me away to a different place in my mind but then I feel guilty, or hmmm I’m just not being productive. I’m not doing anything to better my life and that frustrates me. I feel like I’m waisting my life away. Ya, how does that sound? It sounds pretty sad, pathetic and makes me worry about my future.

I had an issue last week with my ride… Here was the letter of complaint I sent to the company. It explains everything.

Today's date: 11-10-14

Date of issue: 11-06-14
Time of issue: 6:26PM-7:18 PM
Location: Work to House

My name is Jonathan. I would like to file a complaint with The Ride. They were 50 minutes late picking me up last week and the first dispatch I spoke to said my ride was in (town I work in) and would pick me up in 10 minutes. The second dispatch put me on hold and my call was dropped.

My pick up time was 6:26. I called The Ride at 6:30 to get an ETA for my ride. I asked to talk to the dispatch. The dispatch said my ride was in (town I work in) and would be there in about 10 minutes. My dad called me at this point to see where I was on the ride, because people were meeting us at a restaurant at 7PM. I told him that I just called and they said they were going to pick me up within 10 minutes. After that 10 minutes was up, I called back as it was now 20 minutes after my scheduled ride time. I was on hold for about 5 minutes. I asked to talk to the dispatch. I was on hold for about 15 more minutes before the dispatch answered. I explained I was looking for an ETA because my ride was about 30 minutes late. At this point it was 7PM They told me to hold on. I was on hold for 5 minutes and then my call was dropped. I was very upset at this point, as my family was expecting me for dinner at 7PM. We had reservations at a restaurant. I called my father to explain the situation. He told me to call for a cab since we had no way of knowing when the Ride would pick me up or if the Ride would have to make a few stops along the way, delaying my arrival even more. I called the Revere Cab company to have a cab pick me up to bring me home. At 7:16 the Ride pulled up, 50 minutes after my original pick up time. I told him that since they were extremely late and I did not know what time they were going to pick me up at, that I had to call for a cab and they were on their way. The driver said he was sorry. Asked what he wanted me to do. I told him that I was going to wait for the cab. He said ok and left. At 7:18 the cab came and brought me home. I got home about 7:30my dinner was ruined as I was angry and frustrated. Plus I missed the first course of dinner, as my friends and family waited a while and did not know when I was going to arrive.

I have been taking The Ride for 20 years. I am very thankful for the service. I understand fully that it is a shared ride service and there is a possibility of being late 10 maybe 20 minutes. However, having to wait 50 minutes is unacceptable. I am very disappointed and I HOPE you are too.

Jonathan

Yup, just more frustrations… OH and today I got a letter from SSI saying they are taking away a chunk of the SSI I receive because I worked too much. … I had to take some trainings for work and so because I had 4 extra hours one week, they figured that would be there every week and I went from 4 hours a week to 8 hours a week. However, it was only for that one week so my December SSI and not sure how many months after that, or if I will have to fill out forms and get documents from work or what but it’s going to make a month of Holidays, a bit tighter and people are going to be expecting things and I’ll have to dip into my personal rainy day fund which I never had to do before.

Lastly, I still think of Indiana
I read an article, of which the context I wont reveal but it made me think of her hardcore and for a day and a half, my stomach was twisted in a pain of knot. I felt naucious and didn’t feel hungry. I still think of her every day.

previous entry: 666 game 7 2014 WS GIANTS WON and Owen's bris

next entry: 668. and if you aint been there you wouldnt understand

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Don't worry so much about your financial future. You seem responsible & have your priorities straight. You will be fine.

[twistedlady|0 likes] [|reply]

OK gotta start with the first note you got...yes you are very responsible, but I understand your frustration. You might have savings and everything but 4 hours a week doesn't mean you'll be fine financially. I know I would be worried sick if I only had that many hours. Getting my hours cut the way they did really hurt our finances, so I definitely understand the frustration.
Sorry things haven't been going smoothly. Did you tell SSI that wasn't a permanent increase? Are they taking the chunk all the time or just once? And I definitely think it's crappy and discriminatory that because you can't drive you can't have a job besides what you have. That's what public transportation is for. Good grief.

[Mrs. Evans|0 likes] [|reply]

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