652. phx is booked, work frustrating, patriots game and feeling lonely

08/25/2014

652 phx is booked work patriots game and feeling lonely 8 25 14

I’m going to Pheonix to visit Dominique, help her put her house together and capture stadium #24.
She will be getting the keys to her bran new house a week before I get there. So she had asked if I wanted to come over to keep her company while she paints and we can go to a baseball game and I can help her move her furniture and unpack.

All I needed to hear was baseball game. I checked my calendar, made sure it was the Jewish Holidays. And withinso I’ll be gone for a while. From Fri sept 12-19. Kinda sucks for me that jetblue only flights were at night so I’ll be red eying coming home but hopefully I’ll get to sleep.

Work… sucks again. Not that it didn’t not suck.
Let me refresh … We got a new supervisor in April. In Late May we got an “assistant manager” to work under the other guy but basicly run our house. Which, didn’t make sense to me, just give him the title of manager and let the other guy run the other house. No one else in the company oversees two houses. The first guy we’ll call M for manager and the other AM for assistant manager.

So AM signed me up for some trainings. I went to the last one I was signed up for last Tuesday.
I walk into the secretary area
J: hi
S: hi Jonathan. What training are you hear for?
J: I’m not sure but it starts at 1 and ends at 4.
S: I don’t think we have any training that would be in that time block. Let me check
S: the only thing that we have is the computer training, but that’s from 1 to 3:30 and you’re not signed uup for that.
J: oh…
J: Did I miss a training?
S: let me check. Nope. It shows that you have completed them all
J: is there one that I have coming up?
S: Nope. Let me call over to your location, see what training they have you signed up for.
S: hi, I have Jonathan here. He says that AM signed him up for a training, is AM there? no? When do you expect him back? soon? ok. Have him call.
J: hmm so either way, I don’t have a training today.
S: nope, when is your ride coming?
J: at 4 (It was 12:30)
S: oh, do you want to just sit in one of the rooms and wait or what?
J: I don’t have my computer today. It’s being repared.
S: can you get a ride?
J: Let me call my dad see if he can get me. He works in this city too.
… (coming off of work to pick me up and bring me to my work and he can go back to his)
J: He’ll be here in about 30 minutes.
(30 mins pass)
AM never did call back. But I was heading to work anyways, allbe it, 3 hrs early. When I get there I can talk to him about it. He never did come in. Maybe he was at meetings or something.

Fast forward to the following Tuesday. I was at work, wanted to ask the supervisor a q. I asked one of my coworkers if he’s down stairs. My coworker said “he hasn’t been here in two weeks. You didn’t know?” “He got another job. I would have told you but figured you knew.” So this guy who I emailed a few times and some with others on the email as well, and he’s also the same guy who signed me up for the training that didn’t exhist. Grrrr. I asked the coworker if anyone told the clients. He said that he’s sure they know. I asked him if he told them? He said no. I told him that I would tell them at group.
I told them and they were quite surprised. They had questions that I had myself and I didn’t have answers for. One even asked me “How come no one stays around too long? They’re always coming-going?”

I emailed M. He said that he is sorry, AM was suppose to address his departure at the last house meeting he should have been at. …but wasn’t..

I still wasn’t feeling great about it and the following week I pulled assisde a female coworker and told her everything that was on my mind about this situation. She said that she didn’t know the prior week and thought it was just her. She told me that AM was suppose to help her, teach her about how to fillout certain forms and he never really did so she was left trying to figure them out along. She said that M is always at the other house so he’s never around to help her either and now that AM is gone, everything is falling on her shoulders and she only got hired in very late May.

We don’t know what to do. I cant talk to M. I don’t like the guy’s aggressiveness personality to start with. I wouldn’t be able to tell him that he cant handle 2 houses and the company needs to hire another one for our house. I told the coworker that I would feel comfortable talking to someone above him, I have done before but M talked to us last month about keeping things in house, “you can talk to me about anything” ummm no I cant.

I am totally lost to what to do.

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!

So a few weeks ago my sister said “are you going to the patriots game on August 22? Me: no, why? HER: because we’re being honored and I’m going to be on the field, we’re going to toss the coin. … Ironicly enough, my twin had tickets for this game already and was going to go with his wife but she said I could take her ticket.

Amanda picked me up and drove me. Justin met us. I was with the team in the parking lott till Justin came ot. My sister truly is the leader of the team. She made sure everyone on the team had a ticket then made sure everyone had their jersey. It’s a lot of work when you are trying to organize 40 disorganized ppl.

On the way over, she was calling people to see if they could grab a baggy. She forgot and wanted to grab some grass while on the field. … When Amanda got there, she found out that she was not going on the field. The lteammate who got the connection was told only 6 people could go on the field so she chose two of her friends along with herself and 3 of the 4 captains…want to guess which of the captains were left off the list?

Justin and I also had a fantasy football draft we were doing that started at 7pm and the game started at 7:30.

Over the PA system they gave a brief intro to who the Boston Militia are and that they had won the WFA Championship in Chicago. It was pretty cool to hear that.

It was pre-season game 3 which is the one where the startrs play the most.
It was a very awesome game…for the Patriots. We had left in the mid -3rd and we were up 20-0 on a pretty good Carolinia Panthers team. We had 3 sacks in the first half and the half ended on a 59 yard field goal. That was the furthest I ever seen in person.

As far as my draft went, I got 3 of the 5 players I wanted.


Feeling alone.

I started this entry a few days ago so I’m not sure where my thought was at the time. I’m not sure what I wanted to say.

Maybe it was that not that I had any expectations but some hope of having some sexual fun with Dominique while there but she started having sex with a coworker and although she tried to hide it, I knew. She finally told me and the funny thing was, after my annicial being mad, feeling stupid that I thought I would have even a slight chance with her… I actually felt happy for her. She finally found a guy who treats her well, has kids himself (Dom has 3 of them too) and is good with electrical things around the house.

Unfortunately, all this makes me feel lonely and alone and of course, sexually frustrated. I am most days anyways but no point in expressing it.

Then over the last 24 + hours I was splashed with another reality check. Something that reminds me how sheltered and naïve I am when it comes to female and sex.

(text I sent to Dom, telling her what John had told me) I say this as my stomach is twisting... people don’t really date as traditionally any more. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd time you take someone out, you have sex. He said that even a girl he had dated for 2 months told him that too. Then if you like someone, usually by the 2 months you figure out if you want to be a couple. (sound familiar??) and he told me about two more girls he had sex with this week.

***
dom concurred with that. so then I did a little survey of ppl I knew who would not mind answering that. and they all said, either male or female, that, that's about right, either 2nd or 3rd date. even a woman who is married, who is a very close on line friend, said that she had sex on the 3rd date with her eventual husband.

***
Here’s the actual convo between Dominique and I. nothing is left out.

J: I say this as my stomach is twisting... people don’t really date as traditionally any more. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd time you take someone out, you have sex. He said that even a girl he had dated for 2 months told him that too. Then if you like someone, usually by the 2 months you figure out if you want to be a couple. (sound familiar??) and he told me about two more girls he had sex with this week.

D: So I'm sorry but I totally agree with him. I don't think that's the right way to do it but yea. That's not you personally though

J: Oh...

D: But your idea is archaic.

J: If that is the truth, that is the truth

D: Morning. So I think that's the truth but I don't think it makes for lasting relationships that way. You get to wrapped up into the sex and don't actually get to know the person. So you get blinded. If you look at the older generation who didn't do that a lot of them most of them are still together and now look at divorce rate. Your way is the better way but no one wants to wait for it

J: Morning, I am just so clueless when it comes to females and sex. I always think I got it figured out and then I learn something that makes me feel like a little kids, like I'm sheltered. I just want it so bad and always hearing about it, and now knowing how easy it is, makes me seem like that much more of a loser. But I was actually saying about the older generation to a friend last night, my grand parents were married for 68 years and currently my parents are 45 years married. I wouldn’t say it's my way. Its what I believed was the way. I would love to have sex with random women because I could experience and discover a variety and maybe learn sexual things I like that I wouldn’t know unless I had different partners. I always believed ...because females always told me and it's always been expressed to me that you have to romance a woman to get them to have sex with you. I'm guessing that belief is wrong too. Lord knows John isn’t romancing anyone.

D: Woman want romance but don't have patience for it. I don't but then it screws you for later kinda. I told Andrew on the like 4th day of talking to cut bullshit what did he want from me. Sex, relationship. It's just hard to find people. The relationship getting sex part is easy it's finding people that's hard

J: true

D: Being a girl I always have guys to fall back on though it's a lot harder for you so don't beat yourself up about it

J: way too late for that. it's just not fair but hey, life isn’t fair.

D: Life isn't fair sometimes even when you can get it. And sometimes it's not always as great as it seems

J: Something is better than nothing.

D: I wish I could say no but that would be a lie

D: It's not even the sex it's the feeling of being wanted by someone

J: but that's putting a romantic spin to it. it is about sex. You're confusing me. as the song goes "making love was just for fun"

D: But then I don't understand what John and Steve do either sleeping with everyone to me that's stupid

J: And that's spoken again from your romantic view and not from just your sex view

D: It is never just about sex unless your john or Steve type. You can never just have sex with someone
D: Cause you can be romantic but not do all the romance I guess

J: Obviously, we would all just like to find their one and only. But have fun along the way. I'm not having fun along the way.

D: I wish I had advice for you but as a girl I never have to chase so I dunno how to do it
***
and of course Indiana's voice came in my head at some point last night while these messages with dom was being sent-received.

“why didn’t you go further? You could have got more. You should have been more aggressive with me.”