you can check-out any time you like, but you can never leave. | 01/24/2014 |
You can pretend someone doesnt matter. You can write them off as unimportant. As a mere blip on your radar and now nothing. You can avoid them. Not contact them. Pretend that they dont even exist - that they never existed - that they were simply an illusion. Its easy to pretend those things when you dont see or talk to them. The real test of their actual value to you and your actual value to them is when youre forced to see each other again. Thats when reality hits. When the truth comes out. When feelings are put to the test. Its a battle between your head who and your heart. Its a battle between you and the person you have seen in forever. Its the wondering of whos going to cave first, if either of you are. Whos going to offer the first hello or smile or contact? Will either of you? Or will you just continue to exist as if the other doesnt matter - never mattered? And if there is some form of acknowledgement, what does it say about the person who didnt break the barrier? Does that person care less? Do they care at all? Did they ever care? Or have they just washed their hands of situation that speaks true to the saying: out of sight, out of mind.?
What happens next? After the ice is broken? Do things continue as they used to? Or does everything go back to you both pretending the other doesnt exist? I think this place is harder to figure out than the beginning was. I think it makes everything you thought you knew about everything concerning this person and their value and makes it almost null-in-void, because now you have more questions. Was the ice broken because the two of you missed each other, or because you were both in the same place at the same time? Neither one of you have spoken to the other since, is that because that one interaction is person was a fluke? An accident? Something that neither - or maybe just one - if you didnt want to happen? Was it nature forcing someone to react, even though they wanted to stay dormant? Whos now doing too little and whos doing too much? Is someone being too stubborn? Is someone too weak? Are the two of you going to be forever waiting on the other one to make contact again? Are you both going to wake up one day and realize you let a friendship that should've lasted forever, turn into a story that was left untold?
What do you do?
Can too much time pass? Can it be too little too late? Can something that used to feel so worthwhile turn into something not worth a second of your time? If you choose to, can you really pick up where you left off? Does the pain of being forgotten - left behind - replaced - go away simply because someone's back in your life that you had chosen to forget? Does time really heal all wounds? Or do they just turn into scabs that turn into scars? Always there. Always remembered. Never forgotten.
How do you tell someone you miss them when you're not entirely sure you do? And even more so - and more heartbreaking - you're not entirely sure they miss you. How do you go back and forward at the same time? How do you unforget someone you tried so hard to forget?
How do you remain whole when they took a piece of you with them?
Shannon
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