It has been a hard couple of weeks for us. We each are taking this so hard.
Justyn said he feels slight resentment that Chaya didn't spend a few days looking for Dharma. She imediately was content with the new world order.
It's hard every day. I know we will feel better. It just isn't today.
We're going to the beach soon for that wedding. I tried to get out of it over and over. For everyone else she seemed to understand. I'm tied to this like a prisoner.
We have some books we bought a long time ago to hollow out and make into secret boxes. We chose only titles we particularly enjoyed.
A hole in our gospel. -I didn't even check which religion it refered to before gutting it. The idea of a hole in a book with the word hole in the title just gave me the giggles.
We also have "Bringing Madness home" And "The world is flat" "First among sequels"
And 2 labeled. "The control freak" and "The joker" We've been trying to decide how upset C would be if we gave them each a hollow book..and hers was labeled "The Control Freak." I still think its funny enough that I will do it regardless. I feel at this point it can't be new information for her. And that we have a companion one for him is lovely to me. And really their tv couple counterpart is ceratinly Monica and Chandler from Friends.
I'd put a pretty necklace or something in it.
We're also planning to go down for the 4th. We're taking Justyns aunt and her boyfriend. She is more of an older sister to him. We're trying to figure out how much stuff we should plan to entertain them. I hope I can get the time off.
We have been writing a lot for our make believe book. Everyday he goes to work and I bombard him with texts for topics I have researched to go with our fantasy story. I assume it will be like a "One day well take a hot air balloon ride around the world" kind of thing where we never even get past the imagining part but lately it is one of the best parts of the day. I don't even care if its not real.
I feel antsy in the quiet of our home. I lay in bed and don't sleep. Last night I took one of our hollow books. The first practice one "The hole in our gospel" and played with my razor blade knife cutting out the pages while I watched tv. I made a pile of confetti. It isn't perfect. I know what to do next time though.
I feel the itch to make something new. To evade the quiet I feel. My dogs were never loud. So I don't know how Dharma's abscence has left me with a deafening silence.
I wish I had better news to write about. Everything is fine. Everything is lovely. We just miss our dog. And everything is quiet.
“It doesn't work that way. Silencing memories does not make them stop existing. Events cannot be undone by forgetting them.”
― R. H. Ship of Destiny