E. Quill's Diary
by E. Quill

next entry: The pain is a deep dark sea in which I would drown if I did not sail my little craft steadily over the surface, towards a sun which will never rise.

Farewell from the West Coast

04/14/2017

I think the president is going to get me killed.

If you hated some country and wanted to attack it, it seems to me you would attack the closest place to you. Like a coast.  The coast I am on was not on his team. I see no reason he would want to protect those of us that don't really care for him anyway. He can easily use those who don't like us to squish those of us who don't like him and then use it as a reason to get into a scuffle of his own.

I live near where they make all the planes. A few miles. Not enough to where I would survive an attack. I pause to listen to sounds, as if I could hear a missile coming to destroy me. 

I think of all my worries and plans for the future. I feel it go by as a waste of time. You know, because the president is going to get me killed. 

Maybe it is because I am always making up stories. Finding plots where none exist.

I think I need to see a doctor for anti anxiety medication. It's 10 am. I haven't slept yet. I know that sometimes things are bigger in my head then they truly are. I don't think this is though. My country seems like a water balloon today. Flying through the air  morphing  with no solid shape, and so frail. I see no way to catch it without it bursting in some direction or another.

The world wants me stressed out. And the president is going to get me killed. 

I want to sleep but this is the second day when I just stay up googling fire ball radius's and if I should plan to die from the building collapsing on me or from my skin melting off. 

I'm scared. I read articles and see arguments and  I don't care. No this dude wasn't my choice. No the broad wasn't my choice either. Here we are. If you're supposed to be the greatest then show me. All I see is fear in all the days ahead of me.

There is no question on if I will ever have children, or get a puppy, or write a book. I'm going to die and probably spend my last hours in agony wondering how the puppet from Team America and a guy from reality tv managed to melt me to my kitchen floor.

I know I have a lot of irrational fears. This all sounds so irrational when I try to explain it to myself. It feels so real though and not like something I am building up in my head. 

I am scared. I feel stupid for even giving these fears voice. Like going into the bathroom and repeating Bloody Mary til the daughter of Henry the eighth shows up in your bathroom, by naming it I let it in.

It's already in.

I'm so scared.

I would love if the world proved me wrong. I'd love to be the crazy girl on this one. 

next entry: The pain is a deep dark sea in which I would drown if I did not sail my little craft steadily over the surface, towards a sun which will never rise.

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Dude I live in Hawaii and if North Korea attacks they are going to nuke the fuck out of Hawaii first 😩😩. Do you live in WA near Everett? [head.above.water.Star] [reply]

<3
M [reply]

I live in a red state. My husband is a soldier. I am absolutely terrified.

-- [Love, RebekahStar] [reply]